Supporting Our Young People Through and After Lockdown

I was finishing up a run in my local park on Tuesday, when I happened upon a mother struggling with her child at the gate. The mother was encouraging her daughter to come in and have a scoot, but the girl was shouting ‘No! There are too many people!’. I passed the mother and offered her a compassionate smile as she decided to give up and go home, thinking about the impact all of this is having on some young people as they try to engage in (or return to depending on where you are) semi-normal activities… what a mess!

From PTSD and attachment traumas, academic pressures, peer pressures and bullying, developmental and learning disadvantages, relational ruptures and systemic, vicarious, social and generalised anxiety suffered between school and home, so many foundational emotional and social issues persist originally for many young people during their formative years and this is only further impacting their abilities, beliefs, relationships and well-being through this global trauma.

Though many fortunate young people are neurologically and relationally wired to be able to cope for the most part with these intense times, so many are simply not.

That young people are expected to be able to self-regulate enough to learn though all of this is in my expert opinion, for the most part, overwhelmingly impossible.

My view is, we need to stop trying to make a situation that is unequivocally abnormal seem normal, and adjust accordingly to help our young people, but also ourselves!

We may not yet know when schools will reopen but one thing is certain, existing in lockdown and the return to living life more fully could benefit from being somewhat therapeutic.

We are living through a public health emergency, a mass community trauma, and trauma always falls hardest on still-developing children, tweens and teens (the notion that young people are naturally resilient is entirely unsupported by evidential research). My feeling is that we must now be proactive in our attempts to promote healing and life skill building for our little (and our growing up) little ones. For the time being, we need to step away from the expectation of thriving, and instead adapt to simply surviving well.

UTILISING your COMMUNITY, NATURE and PLAY

The good news is that our potential to help and heal young people, or to prevent an escalation of need does not require the transformation of classrooms into therapy clinics or family homes into schools. And it shouldn’t!

The ‘treatment’ is the community and if you will, a more tribal spirit. If we can only harness the healing potential of community, of relationship, of nature, of play, we can ensure that our young people feel supported and resilient during this time. We will have made meaning from all of this.

We can stabilise children, tweens and teens at this time by becoming for them what a great teacher of mine calls the ‘brick parent, the secure base, the safe haven.’ And of course all young people will benefit from immersion in the warmth of a relational culture within their family or friends and/or social groups during and after the deep rupture of Covid-19.

So what might we do to help children to feel safe and secure in their world at the moment?

Some key elements of trauma focused wellbeing strategy have been pulled together below, just to be thought about, though it is by no means an exhaustive list. Hopefully these top tips will inspire further ideas!

AT HOME (during lockdown)

1.Place play at the forefront

Play is a great healer, play is a great teacher. For ALL ages!

Grown ups, if the young people in your home are not coping with online learning, with regulating their own learning, are acting out or acting odd, take a break, or permit them to stop completely, and encourage them to play.

Young people with high sensitivity, special educational or developmental needs, a history of anxiety, depression, self harming, trauma or behavioural difficulties, and those vulnerable children living within vulnerable families - and vulnerable at the moment may mean families who have lost loved ones, who are all feeling anxious due to job/ home insecurity or parents/guardians struggling with their own mental health - may not find it easy to ‘settle to learn’ and we must expect their distress to manifest in their behaviour.

Chronic stress disrupts the nervous system. Not all but many young people could be jumpy, volatile, hyper-vigilant, others may appear dazed or tuned-out in retreat from a frightening and unpredictable outside world into one within the mind that feels safer. This alerts us that they may be operating (understandably) in fight-flight-freeze mode at least some of the time.

Free play, creativity and nature could offer a sanctuary for your young person here and also fortify their resilience.

2. Free and active play

Roughhousing, wrestling, contact sports, trampolining, whatever is is, though it may feel incredibly irritating at times (especially when your 3 year old is climbing all over you to play monsters while you are trying to answer an email or your teenager won’t get off their trampoline and come in for dinner), is HEALTHY play for your child.

· These activities boost your young person’s resilience due to the nature of adaptability present in the playfulness. It also wires their brain for learning by stimulating the production of a brain chemical (BDNF) that helps to increase neuronal growth, in the parts of the brain responsible for memory, logic and higher learning skills.

· Rough and free play develops their social intelligence, as it affords them the opportunity to discern between rough play and actual violence, teaches them about social cues and about co-operation and turn taking.

· Rough and free play also strengthens the bonds of attachment. Riding the horsey, pillow fights, thumb wars, football, rugby, tickle fights etc all allow you to be intimate with your young person or for them to be intimate with safe others. During these games there is unbounded communication and affection being shared in these joyful, playful and safe ways! They can learn about trust, boundaries, sharing in joyful experiences and expressing/modelling empathy, patience and communication.

Stay safe, don’t think too much about it, and just have fun!

3. Creative play

Remember that there is absolutely no right or wrong when it comes to creativity! And creativity includes drawing, painting, designing, innovating, dancing, sculpting, building, singing, gaming, imaginary games…. the list goes on and on…

· Young people often find their feelings difficult to put into words, and instead find safety in psychological distance and disguise. Through art and story telling therefore, your young person might share with you some feelings or open up about a situation they are finding challenging or upsetting. This is wonderful opportunity to listen and talk about what’s going on within them just now. To offer and model empathy and promote secure bonds of attachment.

· All art, promotes joy. Neurologically we are wired to benefit from creativity. When are creative, our brain chemically rewards us!

· Exercising the imagination enhances cognitive flexibility and creativity. This skill will benefit your young person for a lifetime.

· Language skills are also enhanced in imaginative play. When other children and/or parents are involved in the play, children learn how to verbally express their ideas and the important communication skills of listening to others!

Dramatic play promotes problem solving and conflict resolution skills!

· All creative play helps young people emotionally. This is of course the fundamental purpose of expressive arts therapy! Research shows that not only does it dramatically reduce stress, but it plays a very important role in allowing them to express both positive and negative emotions and learn to self-regulate and control impulses.

4. Nature play

This one is simple. Nature is GOOD.

Fresh air, the outdoors, sunshine, rain, snow, puddles, mud, twigs, logs, tree climbing, muddy rugby games, playground dance competitions, playing catch with the dog…Isn't this the stuff childhood and adolescence is made of? Isn't what we would want our young people to remember about this year?

Getting outside is simply healthy for you and your young person. Getting away for an hour or two from to-do lists and the now necessary and often soothing screen time and into nature can only have a positive impact. It gets young people moving, it helps them build their pro-social brain, gets them creating, problem solving, relaxing and sharing experiences. Embrace your inner child encourage your young person to be wild and roam free with you and their friends. I am not sure there is anything better…

5. Mindful routine

Generally speaking, young people regulate well through routine. It provides a consistent and mindful container within which they can explore and develop and therefore I would encourage some sort of routine through the week if you can manage it.

For example, help your young person to organise a light daily schedule for themselves for the day that feels good, manageable and varied. Include school-work and lessons (if necessary), time for reading, IT, mindfulness and meditation, creativity, going outside/movement/exercise and break to eat, talking to/gaming with/playing with friends, free time etc. Try your best to not think about what is expected of them or what would be if things were ‘normal’. Life is not normal. So let’s help them to accomplish what feels right and possible for them and in turn build their confidence and self-belief.

So many young people I have worked with have felt like failures so far this year. I highly encourage we help them to re-define ‘success’ during this time in a way that will benefit them for the rest of their lives. Let's not take away the challenges they face but support them to approach and overcome them with innovation, flexibility, perspective, patience and self compassion.

No-one, not parents, teachers and especially not our young people, need any additional stress at the moment. Let’s build their wellbeing and resilience during this time and surely only success will follow down the line.

6. Acceptance

Some days will just be hard. Everyone will be in a rotten mood. ‘Nothing’ will get done. This is life, most especially just now! Let's accept that, model patience, express and regulate our frustrations and fatigue, harness kindness and humour and be there for each other. Be mindful.

I repeat, let’s forget about thriving, and simply focus on surviving well enough.

BACK TO SCHOOL

In the classroom and at home during or after lockdown

1. Place relationships front and centre

Every interaction can be an intervention. Anyone can help with this part of “therapy”, it merely requires being present in social setting and being, well, basically, patient, playful and kind.

The more we can provide each other these moments of simple, human connection, even a brief nod, cheeky smile or moment of eye-contact, the more we’ll be able to help heal through and after traumatic experience.

2. Acknowledge openly the difficulty in what has happened and forge a way forward

We must tread carefully and children must not be re-traumatised, but there is perhaps a very strong argument for organised reflection around what we are currently experiencing. Acknowledgment can take many forms… it could be a group painting or poster made acknowledging what happened with affirmations of how you want to move forward in your school/community/family ie. ‘we are now stronger, closer and will live each day to the full!’. It might be that each child needs a moment back in class to tell their story, maybe share about a grandparent they lost, or about how much they missed their friends. It would be helpful for communities to then decide how they want to move forward proactively and as a group, for example more focus on time spent with family and friends, or continued attention to excellent, but not clinically obsessive hand washing!

3. Identify and support the children most struggling in any way possible

Old ways of providing boundaries to young people will certainly have to be adapted and tailored here. In my view, no more punishments, detentions or being put on red for children and teens who are struggling to re-settle in life both in and out of lockdown. Instead it is my belief we must now more than ever turn to therapeutic and co-regulating, and for example offer self-regulation spaces with colouring and cushions, mindfulness, problem solving, listening, putting emotional and mental health first as a part of everyday life. Anyone working with or living with young people will hopefully get the support they absolutely need to be able to heal and regulate themselves, whilst being taught to support the young people in their care in this way.

4. Reaffirm boundaries and routines

As I mentioned before, we know that young people do benefit from clearly laid out boundaries to feel psychologically as well as physically safe, and the importance of these will need to be emphasised moving forward. Re-joining any school, friendship group or community could be frightening for those young people who have internalised (either during lockdown or via a retriggering of an old wound or trauma) the message that people outside the home are a threat to life, or that things are ‘bad’ out there. If we can’t make young people feel safe, they will not be able to learn of thrive in life.

It’s a basic need that must be met so this messaging will be hugely important.

This is why routine can be hugely beneficial.

And whatever consistency we can provide is and will be critical. If we are allowed to meet up, hug, it is because it is absolutely SAFE to do that. Rules, some of which may well be Covid-related and new, should be stated in a positive way (ie. Please DO…as opposed to DON’T do) in simple, limited language. Ongoing familiar routines and not changing routine where unnecessary can also serve to create a sense of safety because they are predictable, contributing greatly to an atmosphere of order and calm as we tackle the current chaos we find ourselves navigating.

5. Re-evaluate values

Many of us have been reflecting on what really matters to us during this period, we have reassessed our values and vowed to make changes in our lives, rather than just reverting back to the old ways. This is an opportunity like no other to engage young people, our families, friends and communities in thinking about what really matters. Are we the same or have we changed? What matters most to us now and how do we live that?

6. PLAY!

And again, I cannot stress it enough….Play is healing. Play is stress relieving. Play like you never have before. That is all I have to say!

For our young people, handled well and in time, this time in history could be survived well.

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If you or your young person is simply not coping, please remember you are not alone.

Reach out to friends or family or a professional network for support.

Talk to your GP.

You can also use these support services at any time:

Shout! : Text 85258 for free and confidential emotional health support 24/7

Childline : Call 0800 111 for support and advice by talking to a counsellor about a wide range of issues