Nurturing your child's gifts
Do you ever look at your child and wonder, who will they be when they grow up?
While recently on holiday in Crete I had the privilege of meeting a wonderful family. A family who owned mountain ponies and with whom I got to go riding through the most romantic and idyllic of Greek mountain landscapes. Chatting, laughing and swapping 'growing up with horses' stories with the mother over freshly squeezed orange juice upon the culmination of the day, she began to tell me about her daughter. Her daughter who had a natural way with animals, a gift with them one might say, she discovered as they took on these stables, and whom found great peace and joy with them, in a way perhaps she hadn't found peace and joy before. This got me thinking...
As you watch your 4 year old build a spacecraft our of lego with the speed, precision and know how of an engineer, do you wonder if he will work for NASA one day?
When your 10 year old naturally starts moving when his favourite hip hop record comes through the airwaves, do you wonder if he has a gift for dance?
When your 14 year old manages to outsmart and outwit you in every argument to the point where you always have a healthy dose of frustration close to hand, do you wonder if she is destined for a career in politics or law?
Will they be strong willed like you?
Will they be a carer like their grandpa?
Will they be gregarious like their father?
Will they be a performer? An educator? An academic?
Will they have a way with words? Or instruments? Or animals? Or the land?
When they are young, the future feels like science fiction I know. But there are ways to spot your child’s natural inclinations early, and help them nurture their gifts from the get go, helping them at a young age to begin developing their potentials, and ongoing emotional and mental well-being as a happy side effect.
One of the simplest ways to discover your child's natural talents is simply to watch them in different settings.
As you consciously observe your children, you will start to see how they spontaneously think, feel and act. Most likely, you’ll see them exhibit a variety of behaviours and reactions. The more times you observe the same response in different settings, the more likely it is a budding talent, skill or gift in action!
Just like older children and adults, very young children will have unique reactions depending on their individual talents.
I was running a peer intervention group for a group of 9-year-olds one summer afternoon, which involved various communication and co-operation exercises through games. During one of the games, one of the boys ran out of the room crying ‘This isn’t fair’ when he noticed that the other group had completed their exercise already and had moved on to the next (though it wasn’t a race to begin with). Through-out he was repeatedly throwing things onto the ground, and pulled away from his friends and I, when we tried to offer him reassurance and support. Just across the room from him, another boy from the same group had removed himself from the group to a corner near an open window. He was being very quiet so I went over to ask him how he was getting along with his model building and why he had taken himself away from his little team. He smiled at me, saying he was really enjoying model making, but was feeling hot and just wanted to sit near the open window for a minute. He had taken a part of the model away to this corner to do and would take it over to his group in a minute to add it to theirs ‘We have until 3pm to finish don’t we? There is still lots of time.’
These two boys, though both had slightly isolated themselves from their group (one of the main reasons this intervention afternoon was taking place), had none the less very different reactions to the same situation, even at 9 years old!
Your children’s favourite activities or interests can also give you clues to their talents. What captures their attention? What do they love to do?
Very young they might be interested in bugs, cars, baby dolls, books, a keyboard, painting, or lots of other things. Maybe they are determined to master a developmental stage, walking, learning to ride a tricycle or hopping on one leg.
As they get older they may show consistent interest in particular hobbies, topics, subjects, ways of moving, communicating, spending their free time, or a desire to go to certain places or be with certain people that can offer you insight into their natural inclinations.
Observe and ask them. Give them opportunities to explore and experiment. Don’t make broad assumptions, but rather help them to build themselves, piece by piece, seeing what fits and what feels right as the years go by.
For example your child might be a natural athlete but take them years to discover the sport that is quite the right fit for them. Your child may be a natural creator, but they may take some time to discover which form of communication best expresses their innate desire to create.
As you think about how you can encourage your child’s development, pay attention to their interests.
As you connect with them over their interests, as you attune to their joy and/or frustration you will develop the healthy attachment you have with your child, adding another layer or resilience and well-being into the fabric of their development. When you need to teach them a new concept or reinforce something or try to communicate with them in a way you know will be constructive, using their interests can often make the process faster and easier too!
Here are a few pointers…
1. Watch for clues to talent and passions
When children demonstrate these clues time and again, they’re most likely using an area of talent. Yearnings: activities or environments your children are repeatedly drawn to or eager to try. Rapid learning: new skills or activities your kids pick up quickly and easily. Satisfaction: activities your children are excited about doing again and again and times when they are the most enthusiastic and fulfilled Timelessness: when your children seem to lose track of time or when they are “in the zone.” This is also known as entering a state of flow, a well-researched state of being that feeds happiness and creativity.
Note: If you would like to read more about Flow I recommend “Flow: the Psychology of Happiness” by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
2. Compare notes
Talk with others who know and care about your children. Tell them about the specific patterns of behaviour or clues to talent you have spotted in your kids. Ask them what patterns they’ve observed, and see if their observations match yours. Talking with others will give you further insight that will reinforce or redirect your observations.
3. Create opportunities to develop your children’s talents
As often as you can, guide or arrange activities that make the most out of your kids’ interests and talents. This will not only aid in identifying strengths, it can help your child find passion and joy in life.
Our job as therapist, teachers, parents is to nurture a child’s nature, to be detectives and discover who our children already are and who they are becoming, and to be coaches and create pathways that play to their strengths and manage their weaknesses! Once we understand what’s important for our young children, we can help them pursue their fullest potential for happiness and success.