The Art of Playfulness
On the very first day of my training to be an expressive arts counsellor, I was asked to step completely and terrifyingly out of my comfort zone. I remember arriving into this illustrious room in this beautiful building, perfectly designed as a space for imparting wisdom, nourishment and creative arts, surrounded by men and women whom I could feel immediately had wandered off the exact same path I had, notebooks in arms, smiles on faces and cups of tea in hand with airs of gentle excitement and relaxation about them. Those feelings did not last. Within 10 minutes, this group of 50 kindred spirits were frolicking, jumping, skipping, hopping and crawling around this grand space making the sorts of noises you might only ever hear in a zoo of mentally deranged animals, attempting, for the first time in years of adulthood, to PLAY.
To say this was an uncomfortable experience for the majority of us would be an understatement!
Yet by the end of that first year, waddling up to a colleague and friend and looking at them with what one might consider to be the loving or angry look of a penguin, became the absolute norm and the most natural way to begin a Monday morning.
Now it is worth mentioning that before embarking upon this gruelling and life changing training, I had been a teacher and nanny, Internationally for nearly 9 years. I had been working intimately with children daily, and truly thought I knew how to play.
Oh how wrong I was!
And oh how little I knew about the supreme therapeutic, neurological, cognitive, social and developmental benefits of conscious, open playfulness!
Today I am writing this post thinking about all the parents I have encountered who openly admit to having forgotten how to play, how it often affects their ability to spend time with their child or children, and the journey I have taken to become a true advocate and teacher of this beautiful life skill, that as adult, we so often forget we possess.
Following are some useful titbits that may help you channel your inner playful parent and why it is so important to!
Rough and Tumble
Roughhousing, wrestling, rough and tumble, whatever you would like to call it, though it may feel incredibly irritating at times (especially when your 3 year old is climbing all over you while you are trying to answer an email or it is bedtime), is HEALTHY play for your child.
Rough and tumble play boosts your child’s resilience due to the nature of adaptability present in the playfulness. It also wires their brain for learning by stimulating the production of a brain chemical (BDNF) that helps to increase neuronal growth, in the parts of the brain responsible for memory, logic and higher learning skills.
Rough and tumble play develops their social intelligence, as it affords them the opportunity to discern between rough play and actual violence, teaches them about social cues and about co-operation and turn taking.
Rough and tumble play can also teach them about right and wrong (they learn boundaries quickly when they hit that bit too hard for example), and about appropriate use of strength and power.
Rough and tumble strengthens the bonds of attachment. Riding the horsey, pillow fights and toe wars allow you to be intimate with your child. These games are just for you and them and there is unbounded communication and affection being shared in these joyful, playful and safe ways! When you throw your children up in the air and catch them, you are showing them they can trust you. When you laugh and giggle along with your child as you swing them upside down, you are sharing in joyful experiences together and expressing/modelling empathy.
The beauty of this kind of play is you can do it anywhere! And perhaps even only for 5 minutes. Those few minutes of play might be just the story that your children remember well into their adulthood.
Stay safe, don’t think too much about it, and just have fun!
Creative play
I understand. You are not an artist. Or perhaps you were in a previous life but you are not now. Most probably because an adult told you you couldn’t paint or sing or dance well enough.
Do you remember who that was?
Do you remember when your creativity was knocked out of you?
It is one of the great tragedies in life, in my opinion, that so many of us carry around this negative self-belief, simply because one or two adults didn’t understand that everyone has the capacity to be creative. That in fact everyone, if held safely in their vulnerability to try and experiment, if given the opportunity to be abstractly expressive and not have to follow a ‘right or wrong’ way, if given the tools and opportunities to try creative arts in different ways at different times, that everyone IS an artist in their own right.
Now admittedly I stopped painting, I stopped singing, I stopped playing the piano and I stopped dancing all in my teens because I stopped believing in my creative abilities. Working with children has enlivened the artist within! And nothing brings me more joy than creating a big old feet and hand painting with a child, or creating a dance or sharing a song, seeing how it lights them up, and inspires them, their self belief, ignites passions and interests and makes them feel confident and good!
Remember that there is absolutely no right or wrong when it comes to painting and definitely not when singing with your child. It is the simple act of participating in creativity that promotes bonding and attachment.
Creativity with your child develops communication skills between you and your child. As you draw or paint you can reflect, comment and be curious! Converse with each other about what you are creating and you will surely deepen your relationship and discover more about yourselves and each other.
Young people often find their feelings difficult to put into words, and instead find safety in psychological distance and disguise. Through art and story telling therefore, your child might share with you some feelings or open up about a situation they are finding challenging or upsetting. This is wonderful opportunity to listen and talk about the painful stuff or the joyful stuff in life, even if through metaphor, and again model empathy.
All art, promotes joy. Neurologically we are wired to benefit from creativity. Particularly through music. When we make art, make music, our brain rewards us! One of the rewards, is the gift of bonding through shared magical experience with whomever we are creating.
Exercising the imagination enhances cognitive flexibility and creativity. This skill will benefit your child for a lifetime! Furthermore, it develops ‘theory of mind’, your child’s ability to get along well with others and understand things from other’s points of view.
Language skills are also enhanced in imaginative play. When other children and/or parents are involved in the play, children learn how to verbally express their ideas and the important communication skills of listening to others!
Dramatic play promotes problem solving and conflict resolution skills!
All creative play helps children emotionally as well. Research shows that not only does it dramatically reduce stress and allow them to have fun, but it plays a very important role in allowing them to express both positive and negative emotions and learn to self-regulate and control impulses. Can you imagine the positive impact when you participate in creativity together?!
Nature play
This one is simple. Nature is GOOD. Fresh air, the outdoors, sunshine, rain, snow, puddles, mud, twigs, logs, tree climbing, splashing about in the sea or pool, rock climbing…. This is the stuff childhood is made of!
Getting outside is simply healthy for you and your child. It gets you moving! It helps you build your pro-social brain and in so your relationships! It gets you creating, problem solving, relaxing and sharing experiences together! Dress so you don’t worry about getting dirty. Embrace the chaos. Embrace your inner child and let yourselves be wild and roam free! I am not sure there is anything better…
In conclusion...
Dr. Thomas Gilovich, a psychology professor at Cornell University said “Our experiences are a bigger part of ourselves than our material goods.” We live in a material driven Western world that is certain, however in short, creative experience connects us. It builds our family units and these experiences become treasured memories, far more than any toy or gadget will be treasured. Learning to play again as a parent, if it doesn’t come naturally to you, can be tough! And no-one is asking you to dress up and play the king or queen in your child’s grand production, all while speaking in silly tongues, painting on grand canvas’ and learning to play the banjo. If that kind of play is up your alley than great! But a bit of tickling, a bit of finger painting and a bit of tree climbing will also surely do the trick.
There is nothing at all wrong with buying your child lego! Just perhaps take some time to build the death star or that princess castle with them, them sit on the floor…. And play!
